“‘In Glengarry Glen Ross’, Alec Baldwin’s character tells his salesmen that the first prize is a Cadillac Eldorado and the second prize is a set of steak knives. What is the third prize?” asked Melissa D’Lando, a volunteer host at a recent Wonderland Ballroom trivia night. We’re six questions into the third category of the night — all things Baldwin — and immediately the din-filled upstairs lounge goes quiet with the hum of mini-pencils racing to scratch the answers in on the official answer sheet, right below “Bio-Dome” and “fat little pig.”

With all the beaded brows and finger drumming going on, the atmosphere could be considered studious — if it wasn’t for the pints upon pints of beer involved. According to Wonderland’s weekly trivia organizer, Sally Prendergast, that’s exactly what keeps the bar’s upstairs room packed every Monday night.

“It’s a way to use your brain while in a social environment that also includes flowing booze … You’re letting off brain steam, if you will,” she said.  “And for some of us, it’s just something to do while you’re drinking, because you’d be drinking anyway, but now you can say you went to trivia.  Any organized activity adds legitimacy to copious weeknight drinking. Look at kickball. If you don’t know stuff, you play kickball. If you do, you come to trivia.”

Judging from the average turnout, that doesn’t seem to be a unique opinion. Groups of four and five huddle around rickety tables the size of TV trays to hash out answers for categories like “Album Openers” (Q: Black Sabbath’s “Paranoid?” A: “War Pigs”) and “Presidential Gaffes” (Q: Which former President asked the tailor fitting his pants to leave some extra space “around under my bunghole”?  A:  Lyndon Johnson). Sporting group names like “When I Was a POW for Five and a Half Years, We Didn’t Have Trivia Nights” and “The DOW Dropped Faster than Bristol Palin’s Panties,” the team members argue among themselves — and sometimes with a competitor across the aisle — in pursuit of forgotten plotlines from “Boy Meets World” or the varying interpretations of the lyrics to Don McClean’s “American Pie” (and not, not “that shitty Madonna cover,” as more than one participant was quick to note). 

The reward for this exercise in pop culture recall isn’t a Baldwin-buffed Cadillac Eldorado, mind you, but something almost as good: a $100 tab for your team. But with that much booze on the line — and a fair share coursing through the crowd’s veins — the sore losers are quick to make themselves known.

“The hostility you find at times is amazing, and it has caused me to take on more of a hard-ass role as host,” said Prendergast. “We’ve always said, talk shit as much as you want, but you’re going to get it right back. You’re not being graded on this, so chill out.”

Plus, according to the hosts at the Wonderland, the more stupid an answer is, the more likely it is to score you a free round on the house — so feel free to express your belief that Obama is a Muslim after all. You might get a Yuengling out of it.
Trivial differences aside, the Wonderland crowd is far from stupid — addicted to Wikipedia with a predilection for getting trashed, maybe — but not stupid. Trivia there is a young man’s game where keeping the proceedings thoroughly ridiculous is the key to keeping the crowd happy. But that isn’t so throughout the Metro area. Raphaela Voseali, a member of the trivia team over at O’Sullivan’s in Arlington, said “[Our crowd is] a mixture. They go from college students to working people — even priests because there’s a church around the corner. Even they like to come in every so often.”

Other bars, like the LA Bar & Grill, just like giving their regulars something to do on a Monday night.

“[Our MC and L.A. regular] Mike walks around with a mic and kind of busts everyone’s balls.  It’s a neighborhood kind of feel,” said LA Bar staffer Sean Deloatche. “That’s what our bar theme is. It’s a neighborhood bar with good drinks, good food and good service.”

However, back at the Wonderland, there’s a three-way tie for second place and, like any true competition in the post-”Starsky and Hutch” era, it’s come down to a dance-off. After seven rounds of trivia (and drinks) and the spectacle of watching various team members pull out the best bar mitzvah dance moves, it becomes more than clear that the key to pulling a win at trivia night isn’t a high SAT score.

According to Melissa D’Lando, the night’s volunteer MC, “I think the appeal of trivia is just that it falls under that umbrella of irresistible kitsch that no one can really resist. Also, it gives those of us who have little legit useful knowledge a chance to shine.”

Damn right. As it turns out, the salesmen’s third place prize was “You’re fired,” but this writer walked away with a cool second place finish for the evening — and $15 bucks off my bar tab. Not bad for a newcomer to the arena of useless knowledge and proof that all those hours spent reading Wikipedia during work hours can pay off where it counts: the liver.

TRIVIA NIGHTS
Looking for an avenue to utilize all that useless knowledge you’ve accumulated? Then check out one of the many local trivia nights. In addition to showing off your mad mental skills, there are plenty of food and drink specials to be had, and true brainiacs have the opportunity to win fantastic prizes such as a free bar tab. So what are you waiting for?
Trivia nights in the D.C. Metro Area:

Bedrock Billiards
If there’s no decent Sunday night football game, then Bedrock Billiards is the place to be. Every Sunday starting at 8 p.m. and continuing for two hours is trivia night. In teams of five, compete for the first place prize of a $50 bar tab to be used that night. Or individually compete for the “style prize” — a prize of whatever the host brings to the person that they find to be the most congenial and funny.
Bedrock Billiards: 1842 Columbia Road, NW, D.C.; 202-667-7665;
www.bedrockbilliards.com

BlackFinn Restaurant & Saloon
Music trivia night at BlackFinn begins at 7 p.m. every Wednesday.
BlackFinn: 4901 Fairmont Ave., Bethesda, MD; 301-951-5681;
www.blackfinnbethesda.com

Chadwick’s
Enjoy multiple rounds of trivia at Chadwick’s every Wednesday from 8 to 10 p.m. Tanqueray and tonics are $4.95 along with other drink promos that vary every week along with the prizes. A prize is awarded every round.
Chadwick’s: 3205 K St., NW, D.C.; 202-333-2565;
www.chadwicksrestaurants.com

D.C. Improv Comedy Club/Restaurant
On Wednesday, Nov. 5 at 7 p.m., the D.C. Improv hosts its popular monthly Happy Hour Trivia event in the Comedy Lounge. Trivia nights are free, but you must purchase tickets if you wish to attend the performance in the theater afterward. The event fills up fast, so be there around 6:30 to secure a seat. Teams are recommended, and first place winners receive free tickets to the next show, second place winners get $10 off their tab and third place winners get $5 off. All winners receive a free basket of chips and salsa. Attendance for Happy Hour Trivia doesn’t guarantee admission to the show, but it does guarantee participants a few laughs and a great time. 
D.C. Improv: 1140 Connecticut Ave. NW, D.C.; 202-296-7008;
www.dcimprov.com

Duffy’s
Home to great nightly food and drink deals, Duffy also holds trivia on Tuesdays at 8 p.m.
Duffy’s: 2106 Vermont Ave., NW,
D.C.; 202-265-3413;
www.duffysdc.com

Elephant & Castle
Trivia night is Tuesday at 7 p.m. It’s an 11-week-long season that started in early September but every week prizes are awarded for first, second and third place. First place is a $50 gift certificate to Elephant & Castle. At the end of the season, there’s a final trivia round with big prizes.
Elephant & Castle: 1202 Pennsylvania Ave., NW, D.C.;
202-347-7707;
www.elephantcastle.com

Fado
Fado has quiz night on Mondays starting at 8 p.m. and you can win prizes for your knowledge. $4 Harp and Bass from 8 to 11 p.m. keeps the brain cells, um, alert.
Fado: 808 7th St., NW, D.C.; 202-789-0066; www.fadoirishpub.com/washington/

Fireflies Restaurant and Coffee Bar
Fireflies hosts Buzztime trivia from noon until 11 p.m. Sundays through Thursdays. The restaurant has dedicated a screen and a few tables in its bar area to the semi-daily event. It’s free to sign up and prizes change monthly. During trivia on Wednesdays, 20 percent of bar sales go to participating fundraising groups.
FireFlies: 1501 Mount Vernon Ave., Alexandria, Va.; 703-548-7200;
www.firefliesdelray.com

Flanagan’s Harp & Fiddle
Every Monday join the rest of the crowd at Flanagan’s and play Stump pub trivia. Trivia is from 8 to 10 p.m. and free to enter. Three prizes are given away. Enjoy $3 Yuenglings and $4 Cosmos.
Flanagan’s Harp & Fiddle: 4844 Cordell Ave., Bethesda, MD;
301-951-0115;
www.flanagansharpandfiddle.com

Garrett’s
Tuesday night at Garrett’s is trivia night. Enjoy $2.25 Miller Lites/ High Life bottles while competing for prizes from Miller and Garrett’s. Trivia starts at 8 p.m. but teams are welcome to join once the game has already started.
Garrett’s: 3003 M St., NW, D.C.; 202-333-1033

Growler’s
Every Monday at 7 p.m. is trivia night. The top three teams win gift certificates to the bar.
Growler’s: 227 East Diamond Ave., Gaithersburg, MD; 301-519-9400; www.growlersofgaithersburg.com

Hard Times — Woodbridge
Play trivia for cash on Thursday from 9 to 11 p.m. This one is played solo, so no need to gather a team.
Hard Times-Woodbridge: 14389 Potomac Festival Plaza, Woodbridge, VA; 703-492-2950;
www.hardtimes.com

Ireland’s Four Courts
Enjoy happy hour specials at Four Courts while waiting for trivia night to start, then play with your friends in teams of four on Mondays at 7:30 p.m. The trivia competition is led by quizmaster Pat, and five prizes are awarded: First place, second place, best team name and individual round prizes. Specials include $2.50 domestic drafts and half-price appetizers until 8 p.m. and $6.95 beef and veggie burgers.
Ireland’s Four Courts: 2051 Wilson Blvd., Arlington, VA; 703-525-3600; www.irelandsfourcourts.com

Ireland’s Four Fields
Every Wednesday head to Four Fields for weekly trivia quiz night. It begins promptly at 9 p.m. so don’t be late!
Ireland’s Four Fields: 3412 Connecticut Ave., NW, D.C.; 202-244-0860;
www.irelandsfourprovinces.com

Ireland’s Four Provinces
Bored at 9 p.m. on a Wednesday night? Round up four more of your friends and enter Amy’s Pub Quiz, an hour-long barrage of pop culture, sports, geography and history questions, plus one about the Emerald Isle. The winning team of brainiacs gets shirts, a $100 gift certificate and, perhaps the best prize of all, an invitation to the Tournament of Champions held twice a year. Head out to the pub on Thanksgiving Eve (Nov. 26) for a special Thanksgiving edition of Amy’s quiz.
Ireland’s 4Ps: 105 W. Broad St., Falls Church, VA.; 703-534-8999; www.irishusa.com/4ps

James Hoban’s
James Hoban’s has a Peroni sponsored trivia night every Wednesday at 7:30 p.m. Stop by and enjoy $4 Peronis and receive prizes from the Peroni girls as you test your knowledge.
James Hoban’s: 1 Dupont Circle, NW, D.C.; 202-223-8440;
www.jameshobansdc.com

Jimmy’s Old Town Tavern
Jimmy’s has trivia night on Tuesdays and does it a little differently than most. Three rounds of trivia sheets are passed out and completed between 7 and 9 p.m. The three winners compete in a round of JOTTeopardy. After 12 weeks, finalists are invited to play in “Championship JOTTeopardy” for a chance to win $175 in cash and bragging rights.
Jimmy’s Old Town Tavern: 697 Spring St., Herndon, VA; 703-435-5467; www.jimmystavern.com

JJ Muldoon’s
Friday nights from 7:30 to 9:30 p.m. head to JJ Muldoon’s for trivia night, plus $2.95 apple martinis and Sam Adams. Top three teams win prizes consisting of gift certificates to the bar.
JJ Muldoon’s: 16143 Shady Grove Road, Gaithersburg, MD; 301-258-8866; www.mymuldoons.com

Kitty O’Shea’s
Join the fun every Wednesday at 8:30 p.m. at trivia night. Winner receives a $50 gift card.
Kitty O’Shea’s: 2403 Wilson Blvd., Arlington, VA; 703-522-5295;
www.kittyosheasva.com

LA Bar & Grill
Mondays at 7:30 p.m. is trivia night. Enjoy $1 off beer, liquor and wine and play to win money for your bar tab.
LA Bar & Grill: 2530 Columbia Pike, Arlington, VA; 703-685-1560

Looking Glass Lounge
Thursdays at 8 p.m. in the upstairs bar at Looking Glass is trivia night. First place receives a $60 bar tab.
Looking Glass Lounge: 3634 Georgia Ave., NW, D.C.; 202-722-7669

Madam’s Organ
The soul food restaurant and blues bar that loves red heads more than Roger Rabbit (they always drink half price Rolling Rocks) offers STUMP Pub Trivia every Tuesday night. At 8 p.m., head up to the joint’s second floor for the battle of wits.
Madam’s Organ: 2461 18th St., NW, D.C.; 202-667-5370;
www.madamsorgan.com

Madhatter
Enjoy twice the fun on trivia night at the Madhatter — with one round at 7 p.m. and the next around 9 p.m. The winning team (max four players) will receive $25 gift certificates. Enjoy happy hour specials at the 7 p.m. round including half price appetizers and $2.50 rails, wine, Miller Lites, Bud Lights and Coors Light. At the later game of trivia, all craft drafts are $3.
Madhatter: 1831 M St., NW, D.C.; 202-8331495;
www.madhatterdc.com

McGinty’s Public House
Every Monday at 7 p.m., Quizmaster Eric challenges pub goers to exercise their mental muscles. In return for correct answers, McGinty’s promises prizes: the first, second and third place teams get $35, $25 and $15 gift certificates, respectively, and one lucky losing team gets a $15 gift certificate. Sounds easy enough, but with Sam Adams beer specials all night long, it’s bound to get more difficult by the pint.
McGinty’s: 911 Ellsworth Dr., Silver Spring, MD; 301-587-1270;
www.mcgintyspublichouse,com

Murphy’s
Tuesdays from 8 to 10 p.m. enjoy a half-price burger while playing trivia with your friends. Compete against the rest of the bar to win tickets to whatever sport is in season.
Murphy’s: 713 King St., Alexandria, VA; 703-548-1717;
www.murphyspub.com

Nanny O’Brien’s
Have some fun with your friends at trivia night on Tuesday at 8 p.m. On teams of four (max) play to win a $50 bar tab.
Nanny O’Brien’s: 3319 Connecticut Ave., NW, D.C.; 202-686-9190;
www.nannyobriens.com

Ned Devine’s Irish Bar
Wednesday nights at 7 p.m., Ned Devine’s pub quiz gives one lucky winning team a gift certificate. Stick around afterwards to celebrate your win (or attempt) with “Back to the ’80s and ’90s,” where DJs play those oh so oldies but goodies — if your team wasn’t so lucky, maybe the tunes will get your rusty memories jogging again.
Ned Devine’s: 2465 Centreville Road, Herndon, VA; 703-793-7376; www.neddevines.com

Nellie’s Sports Bar
For District smart asses in the know, Nellie’s hosts two rounds of trivia games at 8 and 9 p.m. every Wednesday. First prize is $30 off your team’s bar tab, 2nd and 3rd prizes are $20 and $10 off, respectively. There’s no registration or entry fee – just show up, show off and rake in some dough.
Nellie’s: 900 U St., NW, D.C.; 202-332-6355; www.smartassdc.com or www.nelliessportsbar.com

O’Faolain’s Irish Pub & Restaurant
For a real taste of Ireland, O’Faolain’s hosts its own round of the isle’s pub quiz every Wednesday night. Pints101 kicks off at 9 p.m.; winners get prizes, everyone gets food specials.
O’Faolain’s: 20921 Davenport Dr., Sterling, VA; 703-444-9796;
www.ofaolains.com

O’Sullivan’s
Join the fun at O’Sullivans from 8:30 to 10:30 p.m. on Wednesdays for trivia night.
O’Sullivan’s: 3207 Washington Blvd., Arlington, VA; 703-812-0939; www.osullivansirishpub.com

Ri Ra Irish Pub
T is for Tuesday trivia nights at Ri Ra in Arlington. From 8:30 to 10:30 p.m., teams will be tested on general knowledge, movies and music. First prize is a $50 gift certificate and 2nd place winners get T-shirts.
Ri Ra: 2915 Wilson Blvd., Clarendon, VA; 703-248-9888

Rock Bottom Brewery
Jay Ray heads up Tuesday Trivia Night at Rock Bottom. Competitors and observers alike can enjoy $0.25 wings and the Pint Night Special: $4.95 for the first beer and $2 refills until 9 p.m.
Rock Bottom: 4238 Wilson Blvd., Arlington, VA; 703-516-7688;
www.rockbottom.com

Saphire Café
From 7 p.m. to close on Wednesday enjoy $1.75 Miller Lite drafts and half-price burgers. And why not play trivia as well? Trivia starts at 7:30 p.m. and you can win money off your check for the evening.
Saphire Café: 7940 Wisconsin Ave., Bethesda, MD; 301-986-9708;
www.saphirecafe.com

Stetson’s
Don’t miss trivia night on Tuesdays at Stetson’s. Starting at 7 p.m. and running until 9:30 p.m., play to win $50 off your bar tab if you are the first place team and $25 off if you come in second. From 5-8 p.m., Miller Lite drafts and rail drinks are $3.50. Once trivia starts, get $9.50 Miller Lite pitchers and enjoy the free popcorn.
Stetson’s: 1610 U St., NW, D.C.; 202-667-6295

The Tombs
Every Monday at 10 p.m. is trivia night. Prizes vary each week.
The Tombs: 1226 36th St., NW, D.C.; 202-337-6668; www.tombs.com

Union Jack’s
Tuesdays from 8 p.m. to close is trivia night at Union Jack’s.
Union Jack’s: 4915 St. Elmo Ave., Bethesda, MD; 301-652-2561;
www.unionjacksbethesda.com

Varsity Grille
Head to Varsity Grille for trivia every Wednesday. Starts at 8:30 p.m. There’s no cover and the winner gets a $25 gift certificate.
Varsity Grille: 8424 Baltimore Ave., College Park, MD; 301-345-8424

Ventnor Sports Café
Every Tuesday starting at 9 p.m. is trivia night. The drink specials change every week, but the prize does not — a gift certificate to the bar.
Ventnor Sports Café: 2411 18th St., NW, D.C.; 202-234-3070;
www.ventnorsportscafe.com

Whitlow’s on Wilson
Sunday at 8 p.m. is trivia night. Prizes vary every week.
Whitlow’s on Wilson: 2854 Wilson Blvd., Clarendon, VA; 703-276-9693; www.whitlows.com

Wonderland Ballroom
Wonderland has trivia night on Monday at 7:30 p.m. First prize is $100 in free drinks for your team.
Wonderland Ballroom: 1101 Kenyon St., NW, D.C.; 202-232-5263;
www.thewonderlandballroom.com